Saturday, September 26, 2015

Why I Won't be Fat and Happy

Recently I was with a group of ladies when they started talking about a popular diet. No one in the group was currently doing the diet discussed, but several had tried and given up for various reasons. Then the discussion turned to "Eh, who cares if I'm fat. I'll die fat and happy!" Of course, none of them were really "fat" but just perhaps a little "fluffier" than they once were. While yes, we should be happy in the skin we're in, maybe we shouldn't always settle. I'm not saying this to make women mad, but more to defend why I am working on my own appearance. Many compliment how great I look, especially after twins, but only two people see what I really look like, and one of these people has an opinion far more important to me than anyone else to me. {By the way, those two people are my husband and myself. just to be clear. lol} When my husband married me, I looked different than now. Yes, I've been pregnant, and my body has several times since our wedding day. I started out at 110 pounds three months after our wedding. {My first prenatal appointment} At the end of my pregnancy I was 170. I've fluctuated between 125-175 with three pregnancies. I have been stuck at 135 for the last five months. While most would be okay with it and just learn to live with it, this is not the body my husband married. I know he wouldn't complain about my body, but why shouldn't I do what I can? After all, he works out five days a week for me. He woke up from a bad dream one night over a year ago that I had left him for someone with a better body, and he's gone to the gym ever since. Just for me. Why shouldn't I do the same for him? Isn't he worth fighting for? With all the scandals lately with Christian men being caught cheating, shouldn't I do everything in my power to keep him interested?

I've recently become a BeachBody coach. I drink Shakeology every morning and work out {most} every day. The shakes are ridiculously delicious. Even my super picky husband thinks so. They come with recipes to switch up the flavors. Just the other day I added a banana and peanut butter to my chocolate shake. Mmmm. They're also filling. I have a shake at 8 am and I don't get my normal mid-morning munchies. Usually around noon I start to get hungry again. They're so good I crave them for an evening snack, but I try to save them for breakfast so I don't run out too soon. The workouts are usually only about 30 minutes, depending on the program you choose. Programs include, P90x, PiYo, Insanity, 21 Day Fix, and Brazilian Butt Lift.

If you are happy with your body the way it is, great for you! I am not. My husband works every day to better himself for me, so why shouldn't I do the same for him? I don't expect to ever see 110 again, but I'm interested to see what my body can do. Parts have shifted, expanded, grown, shrunk, whatever. I'm ready to see what my new body will look like. Join me?

I'd love to know your own opinions on this. Please be kind. :)

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Diary of an Unborn Baby

I came across this as a young girl. My church had a booth at the county fair every year supporting the Lifesaver's Ministries. If you've never heard of them, they are a pro-life pregnancy ministry. I remember at our booth we always had models of babies in the womb, and tons of literature. I later found out that the man I eventually would marry was adopted through that very same ministry. The following is the same thing I read from that booth as a little girl, found online from this website. I thought I would share it after all that's been going on in our country lately. It's hard to read, especially as a mother now, but it renews my determination and opposition in this area.

October 5: Today my life began. My parents don’t know it yet, but I am here. I’m a girl; I’ll have blond hair and blue eyes. All my genetic imprints are present, also that I will have a weakness for flowers.

October 19: Some say I am not even a real person yet, and only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just like a crumb of bread is bread. My mother exists, and I do, too.

October 23: Now my mouth opens. In about a year I will be able to laugh and speak. I know what my first word will be: Mommy.

October 25: Today my heart began to beat. From now on it will beat for the rest of my life without ever stopping to take a break. Only after many years will it stop beating and I will die.

November 2: Every day I grow more. My arms and legs are forming, but it will be a long time until I can stand on those tiny legs and run into the arms of my mother, until I can pick flowers with those tiny arms and hug my father.

November 12: Tiny fingers are starting to grow on my hands. How small they still are! One day I will be able to stroke my mother’s hair.

November 20: Just today the doctor told my mother that I live beneath her heart. Oh, how happy she must be. Are you happy, Mommy?

November 25: Mommy and Daddy are probably trying to come up with a name for me. But they don’t know that I am a little girl. I would love to be called Susie. My, I have already grown so much!

December 10: My hair is starting to grow. It is soft and with a beautiful shine. Wonder what kind of hair Mommy has.

December 13: Soon I will be able to see. It is dark around me. When Mommy gives birth to me I will see sunshine and flowers. But the best will be to see my Mommy. I wonder what you look like.

December 24: I wonder if Mommy hears the whispers of my heart. Some children are born ill. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats evenly: bum-bum, bum-bum. Mommy, you will have a healthy little daughter!

December 28: Today my mother killed me. She just killed me.

Dear Mommy,   
I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus’ lap. He loves me and is close to me. I would have loved to be your little girl and don’t quite understand what has happened. I was so excited to find out that I came to be. I was in a dark but cozy place. I realized that I had fingers and toes. I was quite developed, although not quite ready to leave that cozy place. Mostly I just thought and slept. From the very beginning I felt so connected with you.... Sometimes I heard you cry and I cried with you. Sometimes you yelled really loud and then you cried. And I heard how Daddy yelled back at you. I was so sad and hoped that you would feel better soon. I have always wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried all day long. My soul was hurting so much. I could not imagine that it was I who made you so unhappy.

It was this very day that something terrible happened. A mean monster came into this warm cozy place that I lived in. I was petrified and began to scream, but no sound came over my lips. The monster came closer and closer and I kept screaming, “Mommy, Mommy, help me, please help me!” All I felt was horrendous fear. I screamed and screamed till I could no longer scream. Then the monster ripped my arm off. It hurt so much, what excruciating pain. And it would not stop. Oh, I begged and begged for it to stop. I screamed with horrific pain when that monster ripped out my leg. Despite inexplicable pain I knew I was dying. I knew that I would never see your face or hear from you how much you loved me. I wanted to stop all your tears, and had so many plans to make you happy - now I couldn’t do this anymore; my dreams were shattered. Although I felt inconceivable pain and terrible fear, I felt mainly my heart breaking. More than anything I wanted to be your daughter.

But it was all in vain because I died a horrific death!

I could only guess what they did to you. Before I went I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I didn’t know the words you could understand. And soon afterwards I did not have the breath to say them. I was dead!

I felt how I rose. I was carried by a giant angel to a large, glorious place. I still cried, but the physical pain was gone. An angel brought me to Jesus and sat me on His lap. Jesus said to me that He loved me and that God is my Father. I was happy. I asked Him what this thing was that killed me. He answered, “It was the abortionist.” Then He said, “I am so sorry, my child, I know what that feels like.”

I am writing to tell you that I love you, and how much I would have loved to be your little girl. I have done all in my power to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn’t. The monster was too strong. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know that I tried to stay with you. I did not want to die! So, Mommy, please stay away from this monster called abortion. Mommy, I love you and I don’t want you to go through the hell I went through.

Please take care of yourself!
your Baby.